Tainted Love
by Okikuchan
Summary: Ben and Rey's bond keep showing them that they will always be connected. But how do they carry on after everything they have been through. Spoilers for TLJ. Rated M for the freedom of the story. I do not own Starwars or any of it canon.


Rey fought to catch her breath, but the smell of smoke and death filled the room. The fire from curtain burning around them and falling to the ground. Her heart raced after the hard fight against Snoke's Imperial Gaurd.

Only moments ago, they had fought back to back. Perfectly connected. Perfectly in sync. It was like they were one. She could feel his movements as they happened and as they were going to happen. How? How could they go from breathing the same breath but come out of it on different sides?

"Please" Rey pleaded trying to connect with Ben "Don't go this way"

"No! No, you're still holding on!" He shouted only to meet her desperate gaze again. Rey watched him closely as his face released the anger from only moments before. "You came from nothing. You're nothing" He said calmly.

The words cut through Rey as she closed her eyes. She had never wanted to admit it, but he said it with such confidence how could it not be true? -"But not to me" his voice rang in her ears. Rey looked up. When he looked at her he saw her. There was no desert. There were no piles of scrap metal. There was Rey and for her there was Ben.

Ben reached out his hand "Please…"

* * *

Rey shot up out of bed. She kept seeing this same moment over and over since she had closed the door of the Falcon. She could still feel him tugging on their connection. In the beginning, it took much of her concentration to keep him out that she spent many hours a day meditating. Rey could not afford to let him know where they were. Their numbers were so few. Fortunately, it had gotten easier to know when he was going to reach out and she could close herself off before he could learn anything. The more difficult part was keeping it from those around her.

She felt it. Like a tickle in the back of her mind. She immediately cleared her mind and put up her mental walls.

"— _Rey._." His voice broken through the silence in her mind.

Her chest tightened. She couldn't see him and she was very confident that he couldn't see her. But the sound of his voice made her heart stop. She focused on keeping him out of her mind.

"— _Rey, I know you are there."_ His voice was somber but there was something else there. Something she could not place. _"Please, I just.."_ He breathed _" I just need to see you."_

Rey focused harder and pushed him out. She sat there in the stillness. His voice echoed "Please" She buried her face in her hand. In her mind, she played out moments with him. She remembered him so clearly. The way he looked at her. The way that he made her feel like they could do anything. It took everything she had to resist him because she knew once she said yes to him she could never say no again. She didn't know how long she sat there but a knock on her door brought her back to the present.

"Rey, You Up?" She heard Finn's voice through the door.

Rey slowly got to her feet "Yeah, I was just meditating. Am I late?"

"Is that all Jedis do? Meditate? Seems like it would get boring" At that moment Rey opened the door and rolled her eyes at Finn.

"It is important to help us stay attuned to the force. And where I have no one to teach me" She said with a remote hint of sadness "I am just winging it."

Finn lightly touched her shoulder as the walked down the corridor "I am no expert, but I believe you will find a way." He said with an encouraging smile.

Rey nodded and smiled a little. "Thank you." Trying to change the subject "How is Rose?"

Sighing slightly "There really hasn't been a change. The medics here say she is stable and that her body is just working on healing its self. I just do not know how to feel. I like her as a person, but I just do not know her or how to proceed especially in her current state."

"She will wake. I can feel it. You will just need to talk to her when she does." Rey said as encouragingly as she could "Anyway let's head to training" She said as she took a left out the main door of the Falcon to see a group of about 30 Rebels.

A majority of the fighters had died in the attacks and the remaining crew mostly consisted of engineers and scientists. General Organa thought it best to train those that could fight to help build the ranks. They trained for two hours each morning and then everyone went into other jobs that needed to be addressed to get the base fully functional.

Leia remembered another old abandoned base that the rebels had used long ago on a moon of a planet in the outskirts of the galaxy. The base had been stripped of most anything that was useful, but the planet had fresh water and an abundant supply of a nutritious moss. The moon had a thick cloud cover that protected them from watchful eyes of the outside while also allowing the moss to grow practically everywhere. The other benefit is that moon is close to trading planets where they might be able to get supplies. The biggest downside is the moon drops to below-freezing temperatures later in the year but for now, they were safe.

Training was hard but everyone here was devoted to the cause. Those who weren't had already left. Right now they wanted to focus on defensive techniques. Things that would keep them alive. They taught about reading people movements to have a better understanding of what to do in case of an attack. They went over blocking and using the environment to their advantage. None of them were gracefully but they all were improving.

After a couple hours, she thanked them for their hard work and then released them to shower up and to get some food. As she went to start walking away from the ship and base to collect some moss. She could hear the footfall behind her, so she looked over her shoulder to see Poe running towards her. He shot her a quick smile.

"Hey, you gonna grab some lunch?" Poe asked charmingly. He had been helping to train the team. He had such an optimistic and charismatic nature that people naturally followed him. She admired that about him. She did not understand how he had so much faith when things felt so…lost.

"Yea, I prefer the fresher stuff. It has a less" Searching for the right word "Dirt taste."

Poe smiled at her "I can see what you mean. Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all. I find the best moss in the caves. This way" She said gesturing to the shoreline. As the walked along she took in the scenery. The base was settled in a small valley with rigid mountains on both sides and a large lake to the north. There was normally a low hanging fog that felt eerie at first but added to the odd beauty of the moon. It was tepid temperate, but the air was crisp and clean. It reminded her of her time with Luke.

"How do you think training is going?" Poe asked keeping his eyes forward

"Honestly, much better than expected. The drive that they have is inspiring. They believe that the galaxy can be free. And you" She said looking over at him "They trust you so much."

Poe smiled and lightly shook his head while looking downward "I know, and I wish I had something better to tell them. I do not know where we go from here. How do we rebuild?" Rey was a bit taken aback. Poe always displayed such a confidence. She didn't know if it was comforting or alarming to know that he also had his doubts.

"One day at a time. This was never going to be easy but if we do not fight, who will?" Rey knew it wasn't the pep talk he was looking for, but she didn't have anything else for him at this time. "Come on, the cave is just ahead." They walked for another ten minutes and discussed the training and the state of the rebellion before they reached the shoreline.

The edge of the water was muddy and was covered in rocks. To get to the entrance of the cave they had to scale a couple of boulders. The area was slick from the spray of the lake. Rey slipped down one of the rocks. Poe reached out and grabbed her before she could fall. "Are you okay?" Poe asked concerned.

Rey blushed faintly "Yes, thank you. Just a little more ahead." Poe let her go and followed her up to the mouth of the cave. This area had was constantly being sprayed with water so the moss grew thicker and had a bluer hue. Rey walked to one of the walls and cut some of the moss from the wall. Poe followed suit.

"Cheers." Said Poe holding up a section of moss. Rey lightly tapped hers to his and they ate in peace. "Your right, this moss has almost a citrus taste. Not bad"

"Told you." She smiled as she took another mouthful.

"You know, thinking about it this might be the best moss I have ever had. I would dare to guess that it is the best in the galaxy" He said smirking at his own joke. As he cut off another section.

Rey laughed slightly "Well I was raised a scavenger. I know where the good stuff is" Poe had this calming sense about him. He made her feel at ease which was a hard to find after everything.

They stood there looking out over the lake towards the Falcon and then to the entrance to the base.

"What was it like to grow up on Jakku?" Poe asked looking over at her as he took another bite of moss.

"Dry" She said with a similar smirk to the one he had used earlier. "It was just an existence. I scavenged to eat. I slept; repeat. Days would blend into one another. It was almost like being dead. When I think back to it, it feels like a lifetime ago. I do not know why I accepted it, but I did."

Poe nodded as he listened "With the way you talk about it I am surprised it is not more of a tourist destination." He said with a laugh.

Rey gave him a playful shove. "Oh hush." Poe elbowed her back with a genuine smile as she said: "Let's just say I would take being here eating moss over being back there."

"I am glad you are here too."

His honesty caused Rey to lightly blush again "Uh, didn't you have a meeting with the General after lunch."

Poe's eyes went wide "Shoot, Yes. Are you coming?"

Shaking her head "No, I need to train more"

Poe gave her a quick nod as he stood at the entrance of the cave. "Thank you for showing me where the good moss grows."

"Don't tell anyone" she called after him.

"This will be our secret." He said with a quick smile as he headed towards the camp.

Rey watched Poe walked away as the fog swelled behind him. She fished up her little bit of lunch and decided to venture up the mountain more.

* * *

Taking a note from her last slip she used her staff to stable herself on the slick rocks. There was a ledge a few hundred meters up that provided the most amazing view. It was high enough that you could almost see the stars. After about an hour of a difficult climb, she made it to her ledge and took a deep breath. She pulled out her canteen took a long sip of water. She walked to the very edge and hung her legs over the ledge. She took a long breath as allowed herself a moment of peace. She thought back to the past couple months. It felt so surreal. She never dreamed that she would here. Life had moved so quickly that it still hadn't fully sunk in. She rubbed her temples trying to rub the mental exhaustion from her mind. After some time, she got up and stretched. And proceeded to work on her staff work.

One… Swipe

Two… Block

Three… Perry

Four… Strike

Five…Overhead

Rey missed the way the lightsabers moved through the air. She wished she still had it but it was too damaged. One of the surviving engineers, Gilia, was looking into it but she still had not made any progress. The kyber crystal was just too shattered and it did not seem to be responding to her or the force. She had reviewed some of the Ancient Jedi text but had not found anything regarding the lightsaber construction. After a couple hours of staff work, she could feel her limbs getting weak and her movements getting sloppy. She sat down resting on a nearby boulder and slowly drinking water. She was so tired. Training this morning and her private session just barely had drained her. Then she felt it; the tickle in the back of her mind.

Rey mustered everything she could to hide, but she was overworked. And could only shield her whereabouts.

"-Rey" There he was standing in front of her. She couldn't see his background, so she was fairly certain that he could not see hers "I can see you" he breathed in relief.

"Leave me alone." She said shortly. As she mentally chastised herself for allowing herself to get so tired that she could not completely block him out.

Kylo Ren became aware of her tired demeanor "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He said while moving towards her.

"Yes" She hissed "Stop pretending you care. You have tried to kill me." She spat through gritted teeth.

Kylo Ren looked hurt "I do care." He said honestly "I don't want to, but I do" His eyes looking down at her "I care about you. Please…"

There is was again _, please_. It was like he was haunting her with it. "STOP!" She said pushing herself up and walking towards him. "You're lying to me. You are just trying to manipulate me" She was so close to him that she could feel his body heat.

"No" He said as he examined the curve of her face. "I know you are hesitant to believe me but I promise you I will never lie to you." He lifted out his hand as to touch her but then rethought it and returned it to his side. "You can trust me"

Rey loudly laughed "You must be joking. What have you ever done to prove I can trust you?" she challenged him.

"I cannot say you are wrong. I am not perfect but neither are you." He closed his eyes and sighed heavily "I do not know why but the thought of you will not leave me."

Her breath caught when she realized how close she was to him. She could feel the pull to him and all she wanted to do was reach out to him. To feel him the warmth of him. "Ben" His name slipped from her mouth.

His corner of his lip tugged up "Rey, my offer still stands. Join me, we can reshape the galaxy" His breath hitched "Together"

She looked into his eyes. They were soft and honest. "I-I" Rey turned away and walked towards the edge of the cliff. "Ben, please" Why did he have this effect on her? Why could she feel him with every once of her being? "I can't"

"Can't or won't!" He said shortly the anger rising in him as he stepped towards her.

Turning to face him "Does it matter? It ends the same."

"No!" Stepping towards her again.

"Ben" Stepping back to create some distance between them "Let's just stop this, please."

Shaking his head "I won't lose you." He intently watched her face as she bit her bottom lip slightly. He could see himself in her dark eyes "Please…" Before she could answer Ben quickly looked to his left. "I have to go. Can we talk again later?" He asked looking at her "Please?" he said genuinely.

Rey slowly nodded her head in response. Before she could look up he was gone just as quickly. She exhaled deeply she knew she was on the edge but there was something in him that she wanted to believe in.


End file.
